Judging others
Excerpt From Sally Helgesen, How Women Rise, Random House Business pp. 225-26
While you’re reexamining these attitudes, you might also want to jettison your critique of how “political” your colleagues and bosses are, often and especially including the men. Yes, your peer clapped wildly when the boss introduced a new initiative in the quality meeting, even though he had been trashing the same idea the previous week. But instead of deciding the guy’s a hypocrite who’s playing the typical hierarchical game, why not consider that he’s just a working stiff with a family to support who’s doing what he believes he must to stay employed? It’s not surprising that this includes flattering a boss who has repeatedly made it clear he’s a sucker for even the most flagrant brownnosing.
Judging others often finds expression in phrases such as, “You’d think someone who has reached his level would be more thoughtful.” Or “You wouldn’t expect a managing partner to act like such a jerk.”
The question you might want to ask yourself if you hear these words fall from your lips is simply why? What exactly in the history of the world, or the history of organizations, supports the idea that powerful leaders are always good-hearted and enlightened persons who routinely treat others with respect and make great decisions?
Yes, outstanding leaders have an outsize impact, and we are fortunate when we work with such people. But they are rare. So it doesn’t make much sense to expect that, just because someone reaches a high position, he or she would (fill in the blank).
The problem with judgment is that it gets in your way, sucks up your time, and makes positive change more difficult. It also demonstrates ill will to your fellows, which inevitably comes through, even when you think you’re cleverly disguising your assessment.
Judgment of self or of others won’t improve the quality of your life. It certainly won’t make you happier. But it will keep you stuck when you’re trying to shift behaviors so you can become that most wondrous of creatures, your best self.