Habit 1: Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements
Excerpts from: Sally Helgesen, How Women Rise, Random House Business Books, 2019 (pp. 63-75)
Several years ago, the author spent days interviewing senior female partners in accounting, law, consulting, and investment firms. She was interested in learning what they believed had been most responsible for their success.
When asked about the greatest strength of the younger women in their firms, the female partners almost unanimously cited their ability to deliver high-quality work. “The women here go the extra mile when you give them assignments,” said one partner. Another said, “They are extremely conscientious, crossing every t and dotting every i. They take deadlines seriously. They show up. They are meticulous. You can count on them to get the job done.”
When asked what the younger women in their firms were worst at, the responses were also consistent. “Hands down, they are worst at bringing attention and visibility to their successes.”
“They often work harder than their male peers but then go out of their way to avoid taking credit for what they’ve done, especially with senior leaders.” “A lot of our women seem uncomfortable using the ‘I’ word, so they always try to spread the credit around. This might make them good people but it doesn’t help their careers.”
The reluctance to claim achievements is common among women in every sector and at every level.
When the question “How many of you are good at drawing attention to what you achieve?” is asked, usually, only scattered hands go up. Sometimes, not a single woman describes herself this way.
When asked to reflect on why, two responses surface nearly every time: “If I have to act like that obnoxious blowhard down the hall to get noticed around here, I’d prefer to be ignored. I have no desire to behave like that jerk.”
And: “I believe great work speaks for itself. If I do an outstanding job, people should notice.”
A woman will pick out the most shameless self-promoter in the organization and decide that, if she tries to draw attention to what she’s doing, she will be acting like him. (It’s usually a him.) Since the thought of emulating this insufferable colleague’s behavior repels her, she prefers to keep her head down instead of looking for ways to get recognized for her contributions.
There are two problems with this approach. First, citing the jerk down the hall as an example of everything you are not and don’t wish to become indicates an either/or way of thinking. Either you exemplify the worst aspects of a given behavior, or you behave in an entirely opposite manner. Either/or thinking sees no possibility of a middle ground, no graceful way, for example, to bring attention to the quality of your work without becoming obnoxious and self-serving, and so justifies your refusal to do so.
Second, contrasting your refusal to claim credit for your own good work with an extreme opposite example can inspire you to feel morally superior to anyone who is comfortable doing so.
This is unhelpful, because it gives you an excuse for buying into what is ultimately a rationale for staying in your comfort zone. Instead of asking yourself why you have trouble bringing attention to your successes and then figuring out an appropriate way to do so, you congratulate yourself for being a wonderful human being who doesn’t need to toot her own horn. And then you try to take solace in that when you’re passed over for the next promotion. People generally tailor their behavior to meet the expectations of their “referent group.”
Basically it means that people act the way the group they identify with expects them to act. If you feel uncomfortable drawing attention to your achievements, it’s often because your referent group—other women, a former boss, a repressive culture, your family of origin—expects you to be modest and self-effacing.
As a result, you tend to view behaviors that don’t meet these expectations as disruptive. And you avoid them even in professional situations where they are expected. But think about it. If women in the seventies, eighties, and nineties had been universally concerned with meeting the expectations of their referent group, there would be about zero women in management ranks today.
While there’s nothing to gain from being obnoxious, shrinking into yourself in an effort to please isn’t going to benefit you—or other women.
As you move to a higher level, any discomfort you feel claiming recognition will begin to incur higher costs. That’s because when you represent your organization diverting credit not only diminishes your own achievements, it undercuts the visibility of the people you work with: colleagues, employees, partners, senior leaders.
Organizations often fail to address women’s reluctance to effectively market themselves because they assume a male leadership template.
Although many of the women were confident of their ability to deliver outstanding results, they struggled with getting recognized for their work.
The art of self-promotion
If you struggle to claim credit for your achievements, it may cost you throughout your career. But the costs will be highest when you’re trying to move to the next level or seeking a new job.
Speaking up about what you contribute and detailing why you’re qualified does not make you self-centered or self-serving. It sends a signal that you’re ready to rise.
Search firms confirm that women applying for jobs are often less assertive than men when it comes to declaring their qualifications.
“We find women are often tentative when describing their skills and experience. It’s not uncommon to come across comments in application letters such as, ‘I’ve never held a position like this before so I’m not sure if my qualifications are an exact match.’”
“A guy might say, ‘I have exactly the skills you are looking for and can easily meet these requirements because I’m excellent at X, Y, and Z.’ Maybe X, Y, and Z have nothing to do with the job, but his confidence somehow manages to convince you. Whereas women are more likely to express doubt. All too often, this results in the job going to the less qualified man. Since he so firmly believes he can do the job, the employer is willing to give him a chance.
Effectively marketing yourself, far from being shameful, is an important part of every job—and key to helping you reach the next level of success.
If you don’t find a way to speak about the value of what you’re doing, you send a message that you don’t put much value on it.
If you’re considering how you might promote yourself, it helps to bear in mind that you are your primary product. As you talk about what you have achieved, you are always selling you—not just the details but the overall package. Every successful salesperson knows this. People buy because they like and trust you. And because they believe what you offer may have value for them. Why do they believe this? Because you so obviously do!
Mesmerizing belief is the secret of every great salesperson. To sell yourself effectively, therefore, believing in what you have to offer is essential.