Marshall Goldsmith; Mark Reiter. What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful (Kindle Location 590). Hyperion. Kindle Edition.
We All Obey Natural Law
You can’t force people to work together. You can’t mandate synergy. You can’t manufacture harmony, whether it’s between two people or two divisions. You also can’t order people to change their thinking or behavior. The only law that applies is natural law.
The only natural law I’ve witnessed in three decades of observing successful people’s efforts to become more successful is this: People will do something—including changing their behavior—only if it can be demonstrated that doing so is in their own best interests as defined by their own values.
I’m not being cynical here, or implying that the only motive in life is selfishness. Plenty of people perform selfless acts of goodness of their own volition every day with no obvious tit-for-tat payback to themselves.
What I am saying, though, is that when you take self-volition out of the equation and forces beyond your control are involved, natural law applies. In order for me to get you to do what I want, I have to prove that doing so will benefit you in some way, immediately or somewhere down the road. This is natural law. Every choice, big or small, is a risk-reward decision where your bottom-line thinking is, “What’s in it for me?”
None of us has to apologize for this. It’s the way of the world.
It’s the force at work when people swallow their pride and admit they were wrong. Hard as it is for many folks to do, they’ll do it if it’s the only way to put the trouble behind them—and move on.
It’s the reason people will turn down a better-paying job because they sense the new situation will not make them happier. They’re asking what’s in it for them, and concluding that they’d rather be happier than richer.
Successful people have very few reasons to change their behavior—and lots of reasons to stick with the status quo, to dance with what brung ’em. Their success has showered them with positive reinforcement, so they feel it’s smart to continue doing what they’ve always done. Their past behavior confirms that the future is equally bright. (I did it this way before. Look how far it’s gotten me.)
For some people, telling them that everyone hates the way they act doesn’t make a dent; they don’t care what others think. They assume that everyone else is confused.
For others, warning that their behavior is ruining their chances for promotion fails to scare them; they assume they can snap their fingers and get a better job elsewhere. (Forget whether it’s true; they believe it!)
Persuading people to change by invoking an endgame that doesn’t matter to them is very hard work. I was once asked to work with a software wizard. He was the technical guts of the company—virtually indispensable. The CEO wanted him to be more of a team player—to mix more with others in the hope that maybe he could spread some of his “genius” around to the rest of the company.
Only problem—which was evident after five minutes with him—was that this man was basically antisocial. His ideal world was a room, a desk, a computer screen.
I suppose we could have threatened to take his toys away if he didn’t change. But what would that have accomplished? He wouldn’t be better or happier, and the company would have “lost” its most valuable asset. Changing him wasn’t worth it, which is what I recommended to the CEO.
“Your plan is nice in theory. But what you are asking is not connected to what he values,” I said. “Let him be. He’s happy. He’s not going anywhere. Why scare him away by turning him into someone that is just not him?”
Most people’s resistance to change can be overcome by invoking natural law. Everyone, even the biggest ego in the room, has a hot button that can be pushed—and that button is self-interest. All we have to do is find it. It’s not the same thing in all people.
If you press people to identify the motives behind their self-interest it usually boils down to four items: money, power, status, and popularity. These are the standard payoffs for success. It’s why we will claw and scratch for a raise (money), for a promotion (power), for a bigger title and office (status). It’s why so many of us have a burning need to be liked by everyone (popularity).
The hot button is different for each person. And it changes over time, but it’s still guided by self-interest.
One of my more notable successes occurred with a sales executive named John, who was consumed by his rivalry with another executive at the firm.
No matter what John did—playing golf at a company retreat or posting quarterly profits—he didn’t “win” unless the other guy finished behind him.
Getting John to change required a subtle appreciation of what motivated him. Making more money didn’t stir the guy; he had enough. Power and status didn’t appeal to him either; he was already higher in the organization than he had ever dreamed. Popularity wasn’t an issue; with his salesman’s touch for getting people to like him, he was already popular. What made him commit to change was the abhorrent thought that failing to do so meant ceding ground to his arch rival. Not the noblest of motives, but I don’t pass judgment on why people change.
Another time when I worked with an executive who was notoriously nasty and sarcastic, he agreed to change because he could see that his two sons were imitating his behavior at home. He didn’t want his legacy to be two sarcastic jerks.
Take a look around you at work. Why are you there? What keeps you coming back day after day? Is it any of the big four—money, power, status, popularity—or is it something deeper and more subtle that has developed over time? If you know what matters to you, it’s easier to commit to change. If you can’t identify what matters to you, you won’t know when it’s being threatened. And in my experience, people only change their ways when what they truly value is threatened.
It’s in our nature. It’s the law.